Joke of the Day: Customs

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: “Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?” “Of course my child, What can I do for you?” “Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?” “Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie.” “You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions”, and she gave him the “hair remover”. The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son, he replied. Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, “And from the sash down, what do you have?” The priest replied, “I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used.” Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!” ——- .info Domains names for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at...

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Joke of the Day: Grammar

A grammar teacher was lecturing his students on double negatives. He explains, “In some languages, take English, for example, if you were to use double negatives, it is the equivalent of a positive. It isn’t considered proper grammar for that reason.” A student raises his hand. “Like in Algebra?” “Exactly. However, in other languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. For those of you who are curious, there is no language where a double positive equals a negative.” A student piped up in the back. “Yeah, right.” ——- .info Domains names for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at...

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Joke of the Day: Expired

Yo mama so old, her birth-certificate expired. Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died. Yo mama so old her social security number is 1! Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo mama so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur. Yo mama so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories. yo momma so that archaeologists found ancient pottery in her vagina. Yo mamma so old, her memory is in black and white . Yo mamma so old, she co-wrote the Ten Commandments. . . . . . . . . Expired Domain Picks for domainers to buy at GoDaddy...

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Joke of the Day: Difference between men and women

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie, she accepts, and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward… I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means… lemme check the odometer… Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is...

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